Social Q’s: Too Much Kissing in the Kitchen


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Because another big advantage your grandson currently enjoys is having a loving grandmother built into his weekly routine. Do your best to safeguard that — which means holding back, when possible, from criticizing the way your daughter and son-in-law run their household. As a parent of adult children, it often pays to be quiet about the ways their choices differ from yours.


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CreditChristoph Niemann

I am 18, and I have a younger sister who is 14. Our relationship is tense (to say the least). When I was her age, I had acne. I grew out of it, but she’s just starting to get mild breakouts. Here’s the problem: She globs this cheap concealer on top of her pimples, which only makes them more noticeable (and last longer, in my experience). I’d like to help her, but I think she’d get mad — like I was teasing her. And I’m not! What would you do?


STELLA


Your letter made me happier than any other I got this week, Stella! It signals that you’re turning a corner with your sister. You may not be BFFs yet (or ever!), but you’re looking out for her, which is kindhearted, and worrying in advance about rubbing her the wrong way, which is thoughtful. All this augurs well for the future.


Go to your sister and say, “Listen, I had worse acne than you. It gets better, I promise. But can I tell you some things that worked for me?” If she’s open to hearing your suggestions, go for it! As for the cheap concealer, steer clear of telling her it’s making her look worse. That may only make her more self-conscious. Go with your other point: that it makes blemishes last longer. Good luck and keep at it, big sister!



We are a couple in our 70s and good friends with a young couple in their 30s. But when we invite them to dinner, we have a hard time getting them to leave. Being young, they can visit late into the night. But we like to call it quits by 10. Recently, I was having a special meal and wanted to invite them, but I didn’t because of this problem. What can I do?


S.


Use your words! As hosts, it’s thoughtful to consider our guests’ desires, but there’s no need to cater to them absolutely. (Nor should you put much stock in telepathic messaging or theatrical yawns.) At 10 p.m., say, “Thanks so much for coming! We had a great time. But we have an early morning, so we’ll say ‘good night’ now.” They will thank you, gather their coats and leave. And it won’t be awkward, at all. I promise!

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